Saturday, January 23, 2010

Switched from Wellbutrin SR to Wellbutrin XL; Depression and lack of interest

About 2 weeks ago, my Doctor switched me from generic Wellbutrin (Bupropion SR) to the generic Wellbutrin XL (made by Barr) and I am now starting to wonder if this switch has brought back my depression. I am not suicidal, but my desire to do normal everyday things is totally gone. I have no motivation. I feel like I have become a tired, constipated, awful parent and wife. Things have gotten worse over the last few days, since I am getting closer to that time of the month. I kept thinking thats what was going on - I was just being moody because of my period. But, it is starting to make me really wonder "what is causing these feelings of despair? What am I doing differently?" Then it dawned on me, maybe it is the Wellbutrin XL. I know it takes a few weeks to get a medication to work, so it would make sense that it would take a few weeks for the SR to stop working. I really feel like my depression symptoms have increased tenfold. I am at the point where I do not want to deal with anyone. I want to sulk in my room and be alone. I am letting every little thing my kids do effect me emotionally. I have not been crying much, but I take everything so personally. At this point I could honestly say if my kids were to go live with my mom, I would be okay with that. I know this has to be my depression, because its just not me. I dont have the drive to even talk. I feel like my husband is busy all the time now, but I wonder if I am just being paranoid. He is taking a college class and training for a marathon, and I just feel so alone. I have no idea why, but I do. I guess maybe because I do not have family close by and any friends I have are busy or they all want to just go get drunk all the time and thats not what I want to do. I just honestly feel like no one cares, like no one would miss me if I ran away. I do not even know how to tell my husband the depth of these feelings. I try, but it just never comes out right. I get so tired of complaining and being negative. When am I finally going to not have to worry about these things anymore? Should I stop the medication all together? My Doctor is a joke. He does not know what he is doing and getting a new doc is just too much work. I feel so sorry for my kids because I just really do not want to have anything to do with them. Luckily they are old enough to pretty much fend for themselves and I do interact with them, but I am just so withdrawn. I am not happy; I am miserable. I long for happy days again; to enjoy and look forward to things. I truly feel like there is no point to anything right now. I don't know how to snap out of it. I believe in God and Jesus is my savior and I know I will survive this, but when will it get better? When does life become worth living? How do I find my way to normalcy? What is normal? Heaven is my only hope for now. I know one day all the pain and sorrow will be gone and I will find the happiness I long for, but for now I guess I must endure these sorrow filled days on earth.

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